ode to warren

my mate warren drinks from the skull of a vole
and eats chips out of paper bags
sometimes when i go round his i see him crying watching watership down
sometimes i catch him knocking one out
once i made him a brew
and he threw it over my head
and it hit a royal commemorative mug for charles and di
those were the wonder years
i can go round whenever
and eat fish finger sandwiches
well not anymore
apparently warren tried to do one of those auto- erotic-axphixy wank things and it went wrong

someone else said he went to margate to find his fortune

i havent seen him since '92

ode to warren

OH WARREN THANKYOU FOR THE TIME
YOU MADE ME A SANDWICH
OH WARREN CAN I HAVE YOUR SEGA MEGA DRIVE
EVEN THOUGH I HAVENT WATCHED LAST TANGO IN PARIS
I WENT TO THE SHOP TO BUY YOU BUTTER
OH WARREN YOU OLD CODGER

don't trust parrots

i went to west midlands safari park and bought a new pencil from the gift shop with the money i get from my paper round. it was well good, it had a rubber on the end. i though id lost it but later saw this giant parrot sketching pornographic cartoons on the side of the lion enclosure. i got it back (with a few kidney punches) then he flew off, then the keeper caught me by the rude pictures so i got asked to leave.

round derricks last night

i went round derricks for some canopes,( sausage rolls and pineapple and cheese sticks) it all ended in tears when he went mental on home brew laced with mescaline. this is a picture of him before his episode, his mum came back and pete said he shagged her, i dont believe him

yesterday in the park

two magpies sat on a wall
two magpies sat on a wall
one of them stuttered
one of them muttered
thinking of effect and cause
of flowers and fauna
and natures laws
one magpie asked the other a riddle
one magpie asked the other a riddle

mystic owee

i went to mystic owee for some advice and he told me no-one does it like bruno does it, i dont know a bruno maybe he means frank bruno or jonnys dog bruno but i havent seen him since that time in frisco where he burnt his whiskers lighting a cuban off a toaster

two spoons of apples

a belly full of tea

half a trot of a unicorn

a thimble full of crayons

a whisker from a kitten

a cauldron filled with bats

sevety twelve mices eating

eighty two cats

once upon a time

'alas! the ships have all sailed my fair maiden
and we are stranded' i said
'no' she replied and with that a single tear fell from her left eye
the right one was glass so no tears there
'we can build a ship out of marshmallows and liquorice laces and use my petticoat as a sail'
i stared at her whilst she danced around the pier
and we did
thats how i got here
she left once we got to shore and i've never seen her again
apparently she now makes kites and lives in a windmill
i've left that behind me now.
still, sometimes it feels like a dream

cyril is the cat from no.37 hes well into keep fit.
he's coming round later and we're going to work out to his favourite billy blanks video which he stole from the spastic society, i don't condone his methods. last time he came round we chilled out and watched willy wonka.

i saw this bear once right eating marshmallows

and i asked him for one and he chased me with a badminton racket and told me to get lost

i am the night
am your dreams
i am the soul of your sleep
i hide all your pens
i eat all your biscuits
i take them down to the river and make a float
and me and ratty go racing before dawn
and then we get tired
most nights
we pack sandwiches
but yesterday we ate pork pies